-the weekend all alone in this house- i didnt sleep till 7:30am- jesus christ i'm so tired i cant move.

-i want to see 27 dresses

-i'm not interested in being accused of playing some stupid game that i wasnt trying to play in the first place... so, i'm just not going to play anything at all. it's not like everything works in one way.

it's entirely too early in the morning
SO FAR:
-I've battled a 6 yr old
-Watched the Backyardigans, Blues Clues, Wonderpets, Dora & Diego
-Played cars with Zachary
-Fallen; but not the bad kind (this only makes sense to me?)

i'm NEVER getting Kylie ready for school ever again- HOLY SHIT- that was the worst time of my life
i've only had 2 hours of sleep- i'm not prepared for this

i watched High Fidelity twice yesterday and maybe i will once more today.

i want everything that i've pushed away and that has elluded me for YEARS... and i cant get that Landon Pigg song out of my head, all day. it's a Zale's commercial in my head.

-i miss you
-i love you

1. mom & dad wont quit lecturing me today- it's tiring
2. i had a really long conversation with gary today- i was crying because of said lecture and he's the one person i could always talk to about this stuff so i called him and it wasnt so bad? i'm glad we can be friends now... as for his girlfriend- she TOTALLY made up lies to him about me! something about how i came to one of her parties last summer and was sooooo totally drunk that she had to kick me out! which, as falen can vouch for me, the ONLY party of hers i ever went to was with hollywood handgrenade and WAB and, yeah- thomas and i broke one of her doors, but i DID NOT get kicked out and no one even said anything to us at all! IN FACT- i left because joe from WAB was telling me he loved me again and i was uncomfortable and left on my own accord! WOW!!! what a piece of fiction that was brit brit!
3. i'm happy because i'm thinking about stardust and the next time i get to watch it- im happy thinking about it, because in real life i'm happy- not happppy.. but happy. (does this make sense????)
4. conversations that are (un)cleverly disguised questions other people want to ask me but dont are irritating. im not real clear on whether it was or not- but that reasoning when it was called out wasnt very convincing- if anyone wants to know something- come to me! i'll tell you. i could care less. yes, i hold grudges. it all amounts to trust and it all comes back to trust/lack of trust.
5. i want to hang out with my bubby more often. he really can be nice. and this week it's become so clear that he wants my approval. cory stanton- my first love/kiss lives next door to him- how wierd. when i was ten i thought i'd marry him. but people that smoke a lot of pot have never really been that cool in my book. i mean, to each their own. and if my friends want to do that- cool. their choice. but i'll never date anyone that smokes pot often. or at all actually. i wouldnt want to be uncomfortable about someone i'm dating and i really shouldnt have to be. and i would think that if someone cared about me they really wouldnt mind that i didnt want them to anyway. right? maybe im unreasonable. who knows. my opinion on the matter will NEVER change.
6. im rambling.
7. time to talk to mom about jeepers! we'll see how this goes! i'm betting this will be round 2 of friday fight fest! nice.

my feet are cold
i have a horrible cold
my heart is racing a mile a minute because i'm nervous about tomorrow
im going back home tomorrow- which i'm not looking forward to the 2 hour car ride with my dad- i still didnt talk to them about the jeep and i dont know that i'll have time tomorrow. stressful.
this is the time that i NEED to start making decisions.
my resolutions:
-drink less (i know give up drinking is unrealistic- and i dont really want to do that- but less is attainable)
-exercise- i like sleep way too much but after my family pointing out to me exactly how huge i am this entire break i think i should get rid of the "inch to pinch" as my uncle, dad, mom and dad's friends so nicely put it
-i'm THINKING of TRYING OUT giving up meat... yes, even bacon. i dont know that i can do it... everyone says it is easy- but i really love burgers, in fact, i want one right now and if mcdonalds were open 24 hours here i would go get one right now... this will be my hardest resolution but i think ultimately a good thing
-i'd like try giving trust a whirl. i dont trust anyone, and not for good reasons either- well, some are good reasons- but i need more trust in my life, because soon after i stop talking to everyone i dont trust i wont have anyone left.

good thing i have a couple days to eat, drink, and be merry!

i've lost a lot of faith in nearly everyone i hold dear

i'm kind of glad i'm going home, that's how put off i am right now. i choose my family over this. at least i know why they treat me that way.

-gary's sending me more & more messages lately. i'm unhappy with it. i'm over it. i'm over him. i've moved on. yet... it's just frustrating

-i cant help but feel unhappy bc of you. i have a hard time trusting people anyway, and you broke it. i'm over this too.

-going home for the holidays- this should be miserable or relaxing- cant decide. i'll just hang out with Ryan the whole time- i'll pick my 2yr old nephew over the adults in my family any day- what has my life come to? hopefully, fun people will be in Linton

-i'm about to pick up Kylie and i'm aggitated about it to say the least

-LOVE LOVE L.O.V.E. (not to be confused with "love love love...")

2007 AWARDS

1) DRINKING BUDDIES OF THE YEAR:
Lauren & Rachel

2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest friend) -
Cassandra

3) NEWCOMER AWARD - NEWEST FRIEND?
Rachel

3) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
personal.

4) LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
drinking a 5th of jack daniels and going insane

5) BEST HOLIDAY?
last valentine's was really good

6) YOUR SONG FOR 2007?
the same ol' same old

7) MOVIE FOR 2007?
hairspray, stardust, and mr. magorium's wonder emporium

8)Who did you spend valentines day with?
Dinner: Gary
Music & Lyrics with Gary, Thomas & Falen

11) BEST RELATIONSHIP?
all of them were bad

12) WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN?
bored

13) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR?
favorite: Nagasaki

14) BOOK OF THE YEAR?
No One Belongs Here More Then You by Miranda July

15) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
finally breaking up with Gary for real

16) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?
taking it easy & getting things together & getting over dumb situations

17) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK.
kissing

18) TV SHOW OF THE YEAR?
ROCK OF LOVE.

19) MOST LOYAL FRIENDS?
Lauren & Clayton

20) BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR?
Finally being single and not dying from it

My horoscope today:

"You are apt to be feeling extra sensitive and sensual today, Rachel. Your sense of touch and the emotions that it conjures within you are apt to be quite potent today. You are probably going to be reminded of a scene from long ago. Hold tight to memories that bring you joy, but try not to let them take away from where you are and what you are doing at the current moment.
You may wish, for certain reasons, to stay firmly in control of your feelings, but your wishes aren't likely to materialize. You enjoy the iron grip you usually have over your emotions. However, you may find that despite your best intentions, someone close to you knows exactly how much you really feel for them. They know your heart is really a raging inferno!"


MSN how do you know me so well?? i fear you're the only one. haha.

You are probably going to be reminded of a scene from long ago. this was definately last night- and it wasnt good- i dont like to be reminded of the way gary's acted before. it was definately an adverse reaction.

my eyes hurt
my throat hurts
my chest hurts
my lungs hurt
my head hurts
my heart hurts


did i do something wrong here? probably????
i'm not much of a risk-taker but i'm more than happy to make a fool of myself when it comes to getting what i want.


everything's topsy-turvy and i'm contemplating leaving soon (like i have much of a choice). my life is spinning out of control. i need new scenery. new people. a new life. although, a familiar face or two would be welcome.

1. Name and middle name? Rachel Nicole
2. What holiday is your birthday closest to? Fourth of July
3. Favorite flavored Pie? pecan
4. Does it bother you when someone says they will call you and they don't? sometimes- depends on how much i anticipate the phone call i suppose
5. Are you allergic to anything? bees & poisen ivy
6. Is there something special you want for Christmas? anything would be nice- but i fear it's coal for me this year.
7. When was the last time you went swimming? Cincinnati- in July
8. Do you like chesecake? for the love of god- yes
9. How many of the U.S. states have you lived in? three- KY, IN, IL
10. Have you traveled outside the country? not yet
11. Do you keep a planner or calendar with daily events? no, but i should
12. Does anyone like you? at least that's what he tells me
13. Do you have any strange pets? i had the best dwarf hamster- roseanne arnold- but she bit the dust a couple weeks ago
14. What is your dream car? i dont know- a new one
15. What did you do today? woke up on Kevin's hardwood floor- went home- slept for a few- showered- went to work
16. Are you bipolar? probably
17. What is the main ringtone on your cell? dont stop believin'- journey
18. Where would you want to go on a first date? din & movie- the usual
19. When is the last time you were hugged? this morning
20. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally? yes
21. How important is romance? make/break the relationship
22. Have you ever bungee jumped? no, but i'd love to
23. Have you ever been white water rafting? nope
24. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you? yes, ugh.
25. Are you a cavity free kid? yes- at the time
26. Are you an extreme racist? only is jest
27. What song are you listening to right now? Kevin's ringtone (text message)
28. What is your favorite song at the moment? ALWAYS: Into the Mystic- Van Morrison
29. What was the last movie you watched? Delta Farce w/ Clayton
30. Where was the last house you went besides your house? Kevin's
31. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property? yes
32. Have you ever been punched? no
33. Whats the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? shoes, eyes
34. Can you open a beer bottle with a body part other than your hand? why would i ever want to do that?
35. What do you usually order from Olive Garden? chicken con broccoli
36. Say something totally random about yourself? my eyeballs are killing me
37. Do you have an mp3 player? no, i dont buy into that whole thing
38. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? Christina Ricci one time- which is weird since i'm a whole foot taller and have red hair and freckles...
39. Do you have freckles? TONS!
40. Are you comfortable with your height? i'm taller than everyone- but i dont care, i'll still wear heels
41. Do you love someone? no
42. How tall are you? 5'9"
43. Do you speak any other language other than English? i studied spanish for 4.5 yrs and cant speak a word
44. How do you like your steak cooked? medium rare- but more on the rare side
45. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? yes
46. Do you watch MTV? not unless i'm w someone that is- 100% truth
47. What is something that really annoys you? secrets
48. Have you talked with your parents about the birds and the bees? my dad caught me with birth control when i was 14 and told me not to embarrass the family by being a whore- does that count?
49. What is the best thing in your refrigerator right now? veggie dip & eggs
50. When is the last time you had professional pictures taken? HS
51. Do you have a crush on someone? yes
52. Does that person like you back? yes
53. Do you drive when you go on long trips? yes
54. Whats the latest you have ever stayed out? well past when the sun came up
55. Have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die? yes
56. Were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? yes
57. Have you broken a bone or had stitches? broken: arm - stiches: stomach, forehead, arm, eye, leg, hand
58. Anyone on your mind right now? you are always on my miiiind, you are always on my mind.
59. What color is your hair? red
60. What did you do last night? cleaned, helped kevin, cleaned some more, spend night w/ Kevin